The Complete Gym Personality Guide
MUSCLE HUMOR PART 1
Muscle Humor from the Obsessive Compulsive Rep Counter to Leisure Suit Harry in the tight Gym Shorts, these are the people that you meet when you're lifting. If you read one that fits you, just stand loud and proud, the gym would be nothing without you. Sometimes, when a person sets foot inside the gym, they turn into a whole other person. If you've been to pretty much any gym in the world, you are sure to recognize the people you're about to read about...
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1. Taking Up Space
If you've been to a gym and watched somebody just kind of standing around looking lost, then you've seen this type. They work their way slowly from one end of the gym to the other, getting in the way and doing a few half-hearted dumbell curls every 10 minutes. Don't every cross eyes with MR/MRS Taking Up Space, they can kill a pump quicker than stepping on a ant.
2. The Copycat
You can have some fun with the Copycat. When you notice them watching what you're doing (because you know they're going to copy you), do something extremely goofy and pretend that it works incredibly well. Chances are, when you've moved on to your next exercise, the Copycat is going to try it.
3. The Protein Fart Heat Seaker
If you're having gastrointenstinal difficulties, don't do squats (or sit-ups). That just doesn't work out well for anybody. The humanity!
4. The Wannabe Powerlifter
Powerlifting is a tremendous sport. Watching somebody who is trying to powerlift but doesn't know how and is doing it all wrong can be tremendously funny. If you've ever watched somebody cinch a belt up so tight they look like a wasp then do a knee-buckling quarter squat with way too much weight, you know what I'm talking about.
5. The Pro
"There is only one right way to do things and everything else everybody does is all wrong and I'm the only who knows what they're doing and if you don't like it I'm going to take my dumbells and go home. Better mind I don't come back and take the bench too."
6. The Ignorant Personal Trainer
Every gym has them and I don't have any idea how they slip through the cracks. They teach bad exercises and poor form to unfortunate clients who just don't know any better. Then they answer their cell phone while they're spotting!
Stop hogging the water fountain and let someone else have a turn! Fill up your water bottle at home - don't stand there for five minutes while the trickle from the fountain slowly fills your gallon jug. That goes double for backwashing into the fountain, just want to kick them for that dirty backwashing.
8. Mr. Sweaty Bench
If you sweat so much that you slide off the back end a FLAT bench when you lie down, bring a towel, for crying out loud! And please, please, PLEASE wipe it off when you're done. Don't make me have to invent a standing bench press exercise. Would love to use some stronger words to end this off, but I won't, I'll save that for Mr stink the place out with B O.
9. The Inventor
Sometimes new exercises or techniques work and sometimes they land you right on your head. The Inventor will get back up and try again, sometimes performing the most incredibly effective movements you've never seen. I know because I am an Inventor! But put together a bad Inventor and a Copycat and you've got trouble!
10. The Houseguest
If you've ever seen someone walk into the gym carrying a gym bag big enough to stash a dead body in and full of so much stuff that they could live on an island for a month, you've seen the Houseguest at work. Three hours later, when they leave the gym, they even have the keys to lock up.
11. Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'
No need to carry that dumbell to your bench, just roll it! After all, that's why they're round, right?
12. Beyond B.O
It's not a crime to take a shower. If a cloud follows you around like Pig Pen in the Charlie Brown comics, you may want to look into that bathing thing. The thing I find worse than this is if you get caught in the area...1/ Its don't do well for the nose or throat, taking that stink down...and 2/ People might think its you.
Mr I'm Soo Strong
" Mr. I'm Sooo Strong" who picks up the heaviest weights he can, does a half assed set (I thinks he's a friend of the 3 guys on bench press) and then drops it with an... earsplitting clang! Thanks for ruining the weights and proving what a real man you are...Thanks to Helen Petras for this one.
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